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I have lately found the joy of launching on maniacal tirades about random subjects that irk me, and today's victim is people wonderful expressions we have inherited from the older generations.  You know, the ones that we plainly under no circumstances believed about deeply, or we would have recognized their stupidity. Consequently, I have committed a lot of time and hard work, and quite a few hours in 'paint,' to ripping them apart for my personal individual enjoyment, and to better educate our poor, misguided public that is ignorant of the destruction these foolish sayings wreak on our fragile society every day. *Violin Music* I will smite this evil at its root with my mountain dew fueled... laptop typed hub of JUSTICE.  Without the need of even more ado, we shall push all logic aside, as it really should be for optimum rant good quality, and describe.
We've all encountered this evil in our day-to-day lives... it strikes our youthful homelite chainsaws individuals as they expand, trickling like a vile river from the older generation... Phrases such as "Oh, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink," or "You could kill two birds with a single stone." Yes, my concerned citizens, these delightful, misguided pearls of wisdom should be shown for what they genuinely are. Allow us start out by revealing the dangers behind 'killing two birds with a single stone': ah yes, the plan is that hey, it is tough to kill two birds with a single stone, right? Assuming you are an outstanding thrower and the birds are very near, you would have to financial institution the stone off of a single to hit the other. You are carrying out two items at as soon as! We obviously didn't cease to ponder this saying quite prolonged. We're not just speaking about proximity of birds here, you require to take the dimension of this stone into consideration.

If you have a very well placed boulder and an emu farm, my good friend, killing two birds with a single stone is fairly an effortless activity. I don't care how logical it is to presume we're dealing with a smaller stone and two smaller birds, my brain, due to wonderful, wonderful A.D.D. and the enjoying of quite a few violent and horrible video video games rising up, can believe arborist101 of a myriad of creative methods to kill more than a single bird with single stones of all distinctive shapes and sizes relatively effortlessly. Crush a nest with a medium sized rock, there's four or five birds gone ahead of they're even categorized as birds as an alternative of breakfast meals. Huge deal, you killed two birds with a single stone? Roll a boulder into a chicken truck and kill three,000 birds and a trucker and I will be impressed. That's how you take care of small business, all with a single stone. 

And then there's that "double-edged sword" saying, which is in all probability the most vile of all of these seeds within the demon's nest. An individual says "Hey Dave, I bought this new vehicle, but the homelite chainsaws curiosity is actually catching up to me," and then Dave says "Oh, you getting that vehicle, it really is a double-edged sword, so, its a good factor, and its a undesirable factor at the identical time... it cuts the two methods."
Allow us analyze:

Again, we didn't believe about this sufficient. New vehicle = Good. Paying the curiosity on the loan = undesirable. We relate this to a double-edged sword, which can kill with both side, swing any way and be dangerous and wonderful. See, the plan is that it "cuts the two methods," that means the good way and the undesirable way, so apparently whoever came up with that saying has under no circumstances viewed anybody battle with a sword, because cutting the two methods is undoubtedly100% good, unless you're a nonviolent Buddhist monk, in which case cutting any way with anything is not good. Leaving that illustration aside, I see no drawbacks to getting a double-edged sword, assuming you would like to kick ass with it.  Now a double ended sword...

Now I can see how that could pose a issue. Yea, its a double-ended sword, I get it, if I attempt to use it a single way I am all poking myself with the other aspect of it, like when I get my new vehicle and the curiosity sucks.  But even then...

I indicate, you can understand to do some fairly amazing shit with it if you attempt. Assume Darth Maul. So what we arrive at is double-edged sword = good for kicking ass, double-ended  sword = kick ass in standard. We even now have nevertheless to reach our aim of creating a circumstance that is good and undesirable at the identical time.
Worry not my buddies, the good news is for us, I have devised a new and improved edition of the double-edged sword saying that really should be put into use in the English language quickly. Allow us seek advice from the diagram:

Allow us say you're having it on and a midget sneaks into the area...

And starts ass raping you although you're not expecting it. See, it is considerably better from a metaphorical standpoint - you, the innocent citizen, are having your game on in bed, a good factor, when a midget jumps in and goes to town on you, a undesirable factor. In addition to, when was the last time you have been like "Oh guy Dave, I just bought this sweet new vehicle, but the curiosity on the loan is actually F*%$in' me!"
And possibly Dave would say, "Oh, so its a double-edged sword," and, now, because you have been educated, you will say "No no you foolish, foolish little guy, it really is like the financial institution is a midget that is f*&%ing me and I don't want him to."
So let's critique what we have learned.

Glad to see you're paying out consideration. Now that we have cleared that up, the up coming time a person says "Oh its a double-edged sword," you will say "Naa... its more like you're having raped by a sneaky midget although you're carrying out a thing you enjoy. Say what you indicate, oh un-enlightened a single." It may well be more prolonged, winded and politically incorrect, but it really is catchy, metaphorically wonderful, and it creates vivid detail.
Moving on. "You are beating a dead horse." You are carrying out a thing pointless more than and more than once more, beating a dead horse. Ever hear that a single?

Firstly, we are saying that beating a dead horse is pointless, which of program it is unless it may well become a zombie horse, in which case I propose a thing with a blade, such as a double-edged sword, maybe, or a chainsaw. So it actually shouldn't be 'beating' a dead horse if you have any training pertaining to how to kill zombies, which is plainly significant awareness that all individuals really should have.
Anyway, back to the level - so we recommend that beating a dead horse has no level, presented it isn't a zombie, which begs the query: So... there is a level to beating a reside horse? Oh yes, that should not be pointless because the horse would neigh in ache and flinch and run away, and then you couldn't beat it any longer, and it could bleed on you too, there's undoubtedlya level to beating a reside horse, but beating it when its dead? Pointless. Where's the fun in that? ... Perhaps you're just a sick f*** that likes to beat horses. Again, let's believe about this - There's quite a few, quite a few items that are pointless in addition to abusing dead animals, such as spinning in circles and saying "Look at me, I am an apricot," or teaching a rock to read through. Why don't we go with that - it really is pointless, and it does not involve beating dead animals.
Cease striving to educate a rock to read through, Okay? It is pointless unless you find a actually good rock. And don't bother to level out that I am Okay with midget rapists in my metaphors and not animal abuse, logic has no area in any good tirade. Animal abuse is wrong. Again, unless there's a possibility it may well become a zombie animal, in which case beating is wholly important if you would like your brains to continue to be in your head.

And eventually, the infamous "A cricket is a poor man's thermometer," saying. Examination: Since a poor man cannot afford a thermometer, he employs a cricket to inform how cold it is because they chirp slower as it gets colder. Seriously? Rather than make my ears bleed with your idiocy, just inform me you believe you're actual clever given that you know crickets chirp slower when its cold out, because we the twoknow poor individuals have more significant items to do than figure out the precise temperature by how rapid a cricket chirps. They know damn very well when its cold Without the need of counting cricket chirps... they're homeless. They reside in it.